Embarrassment.

It is the most uncomfortable feeling I have ever experienced.

All the blood is rushing to my head, and I can feel it flowing.

Every heart beat thuds against my chest, it might burst through.

My face is hot and my hands are shaking.

The only thing I can hear is the buzzing of my own brooding.

I can feel every eye burning a whole right through me, every judgement pressing down.

My cheeks flush red and my eyes fill with tears.

I won't cry, not here anyways.

My thoughts are frantic and the movements are sporadic.

I can't even talk.

I wish I didn't feel this way when an explanation is the perfect escape.

From a lost niece.

I'll miss you, oh how I'll miss you.

It gives me a jolt every time I think of it.

Here I am facing quietus and I am desensitized.

Tell me, please, how to feel.

I hope you were happy, oh how I hope you felt loved.

You have left an impression on me.

I'm sorry, oh how I am so sorry.

I am not in hysterics, I don't know how to act.

I didn't know you well enough, but I still care.

The fact that I'll never get another chance to get to know you leaves me numb.

I wanted to know you, oh how I wanted to know you.

I will always remember your hardy voice.

Faith.

I was told last night that God gives people faith as a gift.

.....

Maybe he forgot about me, or maybe I have just misplaced mine.

My Friend.

It's times like this when I am searching the hardest and I am surely the furthest away.

It's times like this when I need it the most.

I am slowly finding you under it all.

I am slowly becoming more and more intrigued by you.

I wait for our confabulations.

I hope for more discussion.

You choose just the right words to make me smile.

You know exactly how to make me divulge all of my emotions.

You have me wondering so much.

You are my intimate.

Remember.

I want to say something that means something, and do something that is different. 

Please remember me. 

I don't want to blend in, I am desperate to make an impression.

Please remember.

You are so good at making me feel comfortable and you are so good at making it awkward.

I'll remember you.

You are always on my mind, you are incredible.

I'll remember.

We can be forever and we can love each other.

Please remember us.

We could grow old together, never leaving each other's side.

Please remember.

Chills.

It runs down my spine and I shiver, hoping nobody noticed. It's like I just realized something terrible, or maybe it is the contrast in temperature between my hands and body. It is supposed to warm my body but it doesn't seem to help, if anything it makes me feel even more uncomfortable. The chills make me wonder how my body really works. I have taken so many biology courses that you might think I would know by now, but I really don't. It still amazes me that I can do things without thinking about it, it's natural. But, I still haven't really determined what that really implies yet. I still don't understand what sparked the first form of life. Textbooks will tell you that it was a coincidental combination of proteins and electricity, but that seems so incredible. I can't fathom life happening by chance. All along I can't believe what religion tells us either. I can't see any evidence of a god who cares enough about the world to make it a better place. So here I am trying to assess what I believe in, and here I am once again with no credence.

The nights are shorter, 

the sun shines longer

and I can feel it warming my skin.

The wind is fresh and the dry grass dances.

Here we are again standing in our stances.

You look at me like you expect something.

but all I can do is listen to the river talking.

The nights are shorter, 

the sun shines longer

and I can feel it burning my skin.

The tide comes and goes.

I have forgotten my woes.

The clouds forebode thunder.

to wait would be a blunder.

The nights are shorter,

the sun shines longer

and I can feel it consuming my skin.

Each equinox brings another ring

and I know my leaves will soon be turning.

My branches are hanging low,

but still I grow.

Making Pizza.

I burnt my hand today 

It didn't really feel like much

but for some reason I jumped back as if in agony.

I know that pain is only in our head, 

so why do we all react so similarly?

It confuses me. 

I always wonder if pain is the same for everyone.

Maybe we are all taught to think that it is bad,

but it is really just another feeling.

No different from happiness, sorrow or anger.

I think that is my problem.

Sometimes I can't tell the difference between emotions.