Optimism Fades.

I keep waiting for the day when things will seem a little better,

singing songs that speak of love stories and happy endings,

convincing myself that I don't really have much of an effect on people.

It feels worse everyday,

I can't seem to find comfort in anything.

Every time I turn around someone else is disappointed in me,

and I've said those three words so much that they don't mean anything anymore.

I am sorry.

How else can I show you or explain to you. 

What I have done to make you unhappy or uncomfortable truly was a mistake. 

The words to express my true feelings just won't come to me.

I do care, it clearly doesn't seem that way to you.

but I do, I promise.

This too shall pass.

I'm falling now,

I'm falling with nothing to hold onto.

I can't bear to see you watch me fail.

My feelings straight from Art Alexakis' mouth.

Lyrics to Out Of My Depth :
Out of my depth
Lost in the air
Falling faster
Like a broken elevator

Out of my depth
Lost in the dark
Waiting for the other shoe
To come down hard

I cannot communicate
Like I wish I could

I do not deal with my problems
Like I know I should

I am out of my depth
I am out of my league
Watching everything...just
Slip away from me

Something bad is
going to happen
I can feel it deep inside
There are shadows
all around me
Like a bad moon on the rise

I am in over my head

I am in too deep here
over my head

I guess I should keep my
opinions to myself

I guess I am out of my depth

Out of my depth
Right from the start
I feel like I was born
With an invisible heart
Out of my depth
Seems like everyday
I can't find the words
To make the good things
Come my way

I feel like I am faking it
I feel like I am wrong
I feel like I'm a guest
...like I just do not belong

I am out of my depth
Every single day
I just cannot find the words
To make my monsters go away

Something bad is
going to happen
I can feel it deep inside
There are shadows
all around me
Like a bad moon on the rise

I am in too deep here
over my head

I should seek
some professional help

Because I'm out of my depth

Yes, I'm out of my depth

And I am slowly going
out of my mind

Oh, go away
Make them go away
Someday I know
I will make them go away
Make them go away
Make them go away
Someday I know...I will make
my monsters go away

I am in over my head

I should seek
some professional help

I should keep my
opinions to myself

I guess I am out of my depth

I am out of my depth

Yes, I am slowly going
out of my mind 

Trash.

When feelings come so quick and waiver so easily it is hard not to feel like they will disappear just as fast as they came. It's hard not to feel like they are temporary or disposable. I think that we spend so much time convincing ourselves that our emotions are real and permanent that we don't even realize when they are gone. We want to feel the same forever so we make ourselves act like we do when in reality we don't care about anything anymore than a child cares about his chores.

A note to any readers.

I'm the most selfish person you'll ever come in contact with. The proof is in my writing, I say I and me like it's the only thing that exists. I only think about myself, and I criticize other people for having the same faults as me. I can't do anything but think about myself and other people are too selfless to recognize it. I'm a detriment to your health so jump ship before it's too late.

Broken.

I don't see the way I'm supposed to see.

I don't feel the way I'm supposed to feel.

I don't do the way I'm supposed to do.

So end it.

Give me what I deserve.

Give me nothing.

Give me destruction.

Recycle my value.

Recover my state.

Reuse my name.

It isn't a lost cause.

Give it some time.

Let it sit for a little while.

Be patient.

Remember the good.

Forget the bad.

It isn't destroyed.

It is simply broken.

It can be repaired.

Don't smother it.

Space can be good.

Please don't give up.